When I started this blog I was being treated for depression and anxiety by my GP. I was testing antidepressants and waiting for counselling on the NHS via the IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies). I was still working as a teacher. I was still allowed to drive. I was just another parent. I found things hard but I was on the right side of the line – the line that separates them and us. I was paying for private counselling and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing). I believed that by having motivation and by participating with the professionals I would resolve the issues I found myself facing. I’m not sure about that any more.
With time I deteriorated. I was referred to the Crisis Team and the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT). It was too late. I made one suicide attempt. I hope I never have to change that sentence because I hope I don’t try it again.
Now I’m under the care of the CMHT and am due to start DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) in the near future. I don’t work now. I’m not able. I don’t drive any more. I’m not allowed. I have to answer questions about my parenting to social services. A simple trip to the shops without a panic attack is a huge achievement. I’m on the wrong side of the line now.I am them not an us.
The amygdala is a part of our brain. It is involved in regulating emotions. Mine doesn’t work too well. I have cPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder), and maybe BPD (bordeline personality disorder). Well, that’s where we’re at currently but things change.
I talk about people in this blog. I never use anyone’s real name but here are the main people:
Me – I use the name Trudy because it sounds like ThroughThe as in Through The Amygdala. I’m in my 30s. A mum of two. A science teacher (when well). A mental. I’m also a mental on Twitter @TTamygdala if you’re interested.
- Andy – my husband and general good guy.
- Nora – my CPN (community psychiatric nurse)/care coordinator.
- Monica – the DBT therapist.
- Dr H – the long suffering GP.
And that’s it. It’s a small circle. A bit like an amygdala actually which is a teeny bit of a brain.
All of this…this illness…it’s all through the amygdala.