So how do I proceed now? Now I don’t trust any of them? I still want to get better, of course, but that means working with them and can I even get better working with people I don’t trust?

I’m in knots trying to monitor myself and it’s driving me even madder. I feel the rational bit of me getting quieter. Tired of arguing. What is the point? What is the fucking point?

Temptations abound; to self-harm; to overdose; to run away; to let my anger out; to tell them what I really think of them; to smash up their ever so bare and carefully arranged therapy rooms; ha! And the diary card? I want to rip that pointless fucker to shreds. Perhaps I will. In group. No one looks at them anyway. Alternatively I may fill it in with a load of fantasist data and see if anyone notices. 

Hmmmm. I think that might…just maybe…be seen as being wilful…well, if a jobs worth doing eh? 

I feel like if I don’t get this out then I’ll die. Fed up holding it in. 

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “

  1. Mild Side says:

    Eye cancer, which they have under control – but it tends to metastize to the liver within five years or so and is then generally fatal. She’s waiting for a scan. She’s 80, so best case sadly is that she dies peacefully before that happens!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s