A Busy Day

Full of cold but ok. Busy day. Had breakfast already. I have a little routine: porridge, juice, meds, tea/coffee. Done that. Even added banana to the porridge for fortitude!
I’ll be alone soon. Will finish my tea and have a shower. Wasn’t going to but feel kind of yuck after Body Balance last night and now the snots. Yum! The wilful bit of me doesn’t want to have a shower to spite her – my new care coordinator. This morning I’m meeting nursery Nora’s replacement…I think. I’m not sure because she never returned my message checking the date. Great start. 

I’m dreading meeting her. I fear she won’t see beyond my high functioning exterior. I’ll explain how I’ve been dangerously close over the last few days (I’ll miss out yesterday’s driving with my eyes closed. I don’t want to lose my license again). She’ll have seen my diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder (that’s what the psych calls it) so she’ll be able to ignore what I say as attention seeking, manipulative or just plain untrue. I’m prepared for it and, as such, will have to put on my protective shell. 

After my hour with her I’ve then got an hour and a half to kill before DBT group. I’ve decided to cycle today to 1. Help with weight and 2. With the traffic and parking where I live I’ll just spend my time in the car. I’m not feeling the DBT group today. I’m looking forward to seeing the other people though. Haven’t got on great with the mindfulness homework but don’t want to be patronised over it. If I’d had time I could have looked it up and done it but I didn’t have time. I’ve struggled so hard the last week but I expect they’ll say that’s me being wilful…could I have tried harder…etc etc Yawn/rage.
Anyway best get on. Tired just thinking about it!


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