They say that making plans for the future is encouraging and positive. I agree. Trouble is that my expectations of the near future are so far removed from reality. I’ve just spent hours researching possible holiday destinations for February half-term but I give up. The combination of husband’s leave, our budget and my anxiety makes it ridiculous. I thought we could do it but I can’t. It’s too much. I just can’t.
I met my boss today for coffee. Should say ex-boss really as I told her I’m quitting the teaching profession. Another thing I can’t do. I mean I guess it’s a pretty good breakthrough in terms of therapy to now recognise and accept that working in a school is going to be extremely challenging to my mental health but it sort of leaves the future kind of fuzzy. When I first came round to the idea of leaving teaching it was freeing – what opportunities lay ahead?! How exciting! Thing is I can’t even consider a job at the moment. I’m too ill. I’ll be doing DBT for another 11 months then psychcotherapy. So whilst I’d love to look at jobs and possibilities there is absolutely bugger all point.
I’m in such a rush to get back to ‘life’.
It’s depressing really and that’s the last thing I need.