I Drunk Dialled The World 

I drank a lot of gin. I knew I was drunk. I didn’t care. I don’t usually drink as it’s bad for depression and I have a habit of losing control. But I didn’t care. I decided it was a great time to connect with people.

I texted.

I sent fb messages.

I looked up people from my past that I have absolutely no reason to look up.

I WhatsApp’d.

I tweeted.

I called people I hadn’t spoken to in years and probably left drunken rambling messages.

I rang my friend in Canada.

I recorded videos of myself and sent them to people.

Finally at 3am I called it a night and went to bed.

The guilt, shame and embarrassment arrived right on cue when I woke up. So did the hangover. No bother with the physical aches though; there was ibuprofen, cocodamol and promethazine to help me through that. The mental hangover is far worse.

I mean, ok, fair enough I blew off steam and no one was harmed but I was out of control. I was tempted to overdose. I just didn’t care. I just wanted this feeling inside me to stop. Still do. I can’t live like this. I need to believe it will end but I don’t. 

I feel at a complete loss.

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One thought on “I Drunk Dialled The World 

  1. JP says:

    I’m only sorry I was sleeping and missed this, we could have had a fabulous conversation. Stop the self hate you are amazing , the occasional drunken night is quite normal ❤️

    Like

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