Waking up suicidal

Woke up. 

Immediately the thoughts of ending my life filled my head.

Then I considered just running away.

I’m trying to use my DBT skills: acknowledge the thoughts, don’t judge them, thoughts don’t have to control me.

Sigh.

So it’s the weekend, the kids and husband are here. So somehow I will manage this feeling. I’m scared though, I’ll admit that. It’s a bit like falling into a pit but trying to scrabble up the side to get out.

On the plus side the beauty of BPD is that I may well be full of the joys by lunchtime as my mood switches uncontrollably. Fingers crossed. 

…then there’s the quetiapine question…

When I feel like this I think I should try it but…I don’t want to.

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