Spaghetti Head

Inside my head

Hate it when my head gets like this: spaghetti head. Each piece of spaghetti is a different thought and they’re writhing around, all jumbled together and I can’t make any sense of any it. I become removed from the thoughts and try and observe them, willing them to make sense. Writing helps. I’ve written a to do list and now I’m writing this. 

Some of my thoughts include (but are not limited to):

Should I tell Nora about the Shadow Man; oh good the GP has increased my prescription; my stomach hurts; is the cat ok; I should have a shower; is that ok; what will I do about Andy; fuck I need to sort my car out; the house is a mess; I need to cancel my union fees; I don’t feel real; should I ring my aunt; the kid’s birthdays; are my meds working; how can I explain to Nora what’s been going on; I’m alone; I wish I could just die; the TV is loud; my heart is pounding again I’m so fed up of it; no one listens to me; I need to talk; God I’m boring; does anyone miss me; wonder if I’ll see the psychiatrist again; do I see things or am I making it up; am I really sick; best sort the Hallowe’en stuff; I won’t go out today; what is being real…

And on and on it goes. All at the same time. Sometimes I scrunch my eyes up to try and make it stop – to block it out. Trouble is I can’t block out something that is inside me. Or maybe I can. DBT talks about that but that’s what lead me into trouble in the first place…

And on and on…

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