Is social media (mainly Facebook) a good or a bad thing for me at present? Like everything else I can’t decide.
- I connect with people
- I celebrate how awesome my kids are and that makes me happy.
- I constantly question the version of myself that I’m sharing. Is it too much? Too self-indulgent? Too full of crap? Etc etc
- I compare myself to others: why am I struggling when others have it so much harder? I’m a dick. Why are all these people doing social things? How does that happen?
- I feel lonely and vulnerable. Sometimes I post quite personal things about having mental health problems. This is the biggest struggle of my life but it inspires very little from my ‘friends’. It doesn’t translate into texts or calls or even likes (vom!) so I’m left feeling bare. I share and expose and people just keep on scrolling. Just another Facebook post.
- I see stupid memes about choosing to be happy or letting go of the past or being the master of your own destiny. This makes me feel pathetic, like I just need to put more effort in. Oh just do one.
- I am confronted with my own image. I take photos and selfies like the best of them but they’re getting harder and harder to look at; the widening sagging face; the tractor tyre that sits around my middle. I am not a fan of my image. Why am I showing this to the world?
- It doesn’t feel like the real world but the more I engage with it the less I am engaging with the real world.
Looking through the pros and cons list it should be easy. One list is definitely longer than the other! But, then, not all bullet points are created equally. Connecting with people is a massive, huge important thing. If I withdraw is that the illness part of me? Or is it the wellness part of me? I don’t know. I don’t know who I am. I read my own profile for clues – who am I?
I don’t know.
All this over analysis can’t be good. Maybe there’s a meme about it…
Is it a coincidence that meme is actually ME ME?!