- Today I got a tattoo. It’s my second. I had my first tattoo in recognition of turning 30. I was at a good point in my life and I felt happy. Genuinely happy. I knew that life would always be full of ups and downs and I wanted to capture that happy feeling and bottle it. Of course this isn’t possible so instead I chose to have a tattoo. That way I would always be able to physically connect with that moment in time. I have a heart on my hip. It’s all out of shape now as I’ve gained a lot of weight but it’s still there: reminding me. Reminding me of a time I felt so happy that I had to capture it. That’s a useful thing for anyone never mind someone with depression.
Here I am 5 years later with tattoo#2. I’ve wanted another for a while but just not felt strongly about any image. I mean if you’re going to purposefully scar your body you want it to mean something right?
Well yesterday I woke up and I just knew. A butterfly on my wrist. It was so obvious now. It had to be the wrist becauseof the compulsion to slit them that I have battled recently. Yes. I’m instead of slitting my wrist I could pay to have someone else scar it for me in a socially acceptable manner. Good. That was that decided.
Next, the image. The idea of a butterfly came to me naturally. Firstly just because they look nice and I like them. Yup, that shallow! Then I thought about it more. They start life as a grubby caterpillar. They have to go into a cocoon to transform into something quite special. They are delicate yet can fight the wind. Ok, a butterfly made perfect sense.
I shared my exciting news with a Facebook group and someone took it to the next level by suggesting a semi-colon tattoo! I’d never heard of this but the idea comes from something called the semi colon project. It’s all about mental health. The quote they use is something like…a semi-colon is used where an author could choose to end a sentence but didn’t. The author is you and the sentence is your life…it’s summat like that! Anyway given how close I have been to suicide this seemed perfect to incorporate into my tattoo.
Somehow I managed to get booked in for the next day. The lady had worked on my design given to her that day. When she showed me I had 2 thoughts:
- Wow! That is gorgeous!
- That is massive.
She assured me it couldn’t be done smaller without losing the detail. Sod it. I went for it and I’m glad I did. I love it. I love how it looks. I love what it means; this is not the end. Beauty can follow adversity. Some scars are gorgeous.